According to Punxsutawney Phil, the prophetic groundhog, the season of long underwear and hot chocolate-induced tongue burns has come and gone, and in its place remains the magical time that is peeling yourself off of leather car seats and the distinct sting accompanying a spritz of sunscreen straight to the eye. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the groundhog has spoken and spring is upon us!  The slowly ascending temperatures in WHB have given students and teachers alike hope that the bitter cold will thaw and cheerfulness will bud once more in the hearts of our people. The unprecedented joy this warm weather has generated could be squelched by only one thought. Junior Justin Foster articulated this terrifying idea when he said the unthinkable: “Isn’t it supposed to get cold again?”

Alas, Foster’s trepidation rings true. Despite Punxsutawney’s report that winter is over, weather channels continue to show snow in the forecast for upcoming weeks. This news has hit the students of WHB particularly hard, prompting senior Sammy Stephen to state, “They say spring is coming. They’re wrong. Winter is coming. Winter is here. Winter has truly always been here. It lives in our hearts and gnaws away at our sanity.”

Sophomore Mattie Ellis exclaimed, “Honestly at this point, I’m just confused. I don’t know whether to dress for spring or winter.” Footwear has proven particularly difficult for students such as Ellis to select, as they seem to remain torn between boots, the traditional garb for a foot during winter, and the contrasting Converse, made for wear in a milder climate.

“The cold weather is one thing. But to have days upwards of fifty degrees followed by snow is just cruel and unusual,” exclaimed Ellis. Ellis is not alone in her irritation with the indecisive climate. In fact many students are beginning to question why Al Gore’s theories are still being taught as fact in American classrooms. Stephen states, “The gods have played with our tempers, and we have become mentally exhausted from the cold. If we become repentant, they may show mercy.”

So listen here children, next time you go outside, stand up to the weather. Slap the cold air, kick the remaining snow, and punch at the rain, for we can only confront this unsympathetic winter together.